Get Selfish by Jennifer McLeod

In this Issue:

¨ Welcome from Jennifer McLeod
¨ Schools & Other Newsletters
¨ Mobile Phone Directory launches next week
¨ Featured # Article: Get Selfish
¨ What’s On?

Welcome from Jennifer McLeod

Hi All,

And welcome. How are you all out there?

It seems a while since my last blog. I have missed writing them and being in touch with you, however, please do keep sending your comments and feedback.

For the last few months I have had back to back Easy Tiger Parents Workshops, Born To Win! Programme For Young People Workshops and of course, The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course in May 2009. My last Parent Workshop is in two weeks and I am definitely looking forward to taking a much needed break to rejuvenate, recharge my batteries in readiness for the autumn term.

Early on at the start of going into business, one thing that Peter Thomson, business development specialist of Pti International said at one of his seminars was when planning for the year ahead, the first thing that should go in your diary is your holiday. Make planning your holiday and time out for you and your family a priority over the business. So true! This is what I do at the start of every year, even if I don’t know what we will be doing or where we will be going, the time gets booked out in the diary first.

Have you planned your holiday or time out yet?

Enjoy this blog and have a great summer break

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer

Follow me on Twitter www.twitter.com/EasyTigerParents
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Schools & Other Newsletters

Do you want to share this blog in your own newsletter, blog or website?

I have had requests from schools & others about including my articles in their own newsletters.

Schools and other readers may do so, providing the article remains intact and you credit the author (me) and include the following credits with it:

Jennifer McLeod’s mission is to liberate parents, families and young people and is the Creator of Easy Tiger Parent System™ and Born To Win! Programme For Young People. To subscribe to her free email newsletter and get access to top tips, visit http://www.jennifer-mcleod.blogspot.com/ or email parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

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Mobile Phone Directory launches next week

A new Mobile Phone Directory launches next week.

I have grave concerns about implications and safeguarding issues for children and young people with adults and youngsters being able to get their mobile numbers from this directory. For others to be able to access your mobile phones in this way has far reaching implications than the normal landline.

If you haven’t already done so, click on the link below to unsubscribe your mobile phone, if you wish.

http://www.118800.co.uk/removeme/remove-me.htmlhttp://www.118800.co.uk/removeme/remove-me.html

Or check out further information about the directory here
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/working_lunch/8091621.stm
At the time of writing this article, the http://www.118800.co.uk/ website had been offline for couple days and the service is now ‘suspended for improvements’. Hhhmm? Quite a convenient time for the service to be offline or suspended when people are attempting to unsubscribe before the launch!

The Communications Officer might have given her consent for this service, but she didn’t ask us and my service provider didn’t seek my permission to release my mobile number.
I have contacted Central ITV news about this (they didn’t know anything about it either!) and a friend of mine has contacted Ed Doolan of Radio West Midlands (WM). If you feel as strongly as we do about this service, then please take some form of action to prevent it being launched or used.

Although it is offline now, I think we still need to be vigilant. Please let me know if you discover that it is back online. Thank you.
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Featured # Article: Get Selfish!

When I work with parents as part of my Easy Tiger Parents Programme, I use a term I call “positive selfishness”, whereby I encourage parents to focus on themselves. For instance, a parent that I have worked with has two children, one is attention seeking and the other is hyperactive. The parents are arguing and there is tension in the home. The parents focus is for me to give them tools and solutions to manage their children’s behaviour. My response is to work with the parents to manage their own emotions/challenges (behaviour), bringing about a calmer atmosphere and environment in the house, which in itself, will help to put their children at ease and be more re-assured and self assured.

If you focus your attention on loving you, or learning to love yourself, nurturing you, feeding yourself with the correct food and knowledge, supporting you, respecting you, giving to you, then you are in a better position to attend to others around you and their needs, including your children.

How can you love others?

How can you love others if you don’t love or know how to love yourself? How can you truly respect others if you don’t know how to respect yourself? Loving yourself could well mean starting from scratch to learn to love yourself, as I did, especially if you hadn’t learnt this from your parents. So be it, start right there.

One parent thought that this sounded a bit like a cliché but then realised it was indeed what was needed in order to change the situation and circumstances in her home. She was so focused on what her husband was/was not doing that she missed what she was/was not doing and this in itself created more of the friction at home.

Some people tend to project outwards and want to ‘fix’ everyone else or blame everyone else for what’s going on and going wrong in their lives. This is sadly, exactly the same for some parents. These parents find it far easier to focus on the children’s behaviour rather than admit that it’s their own ‘stuff’ that’s creating the situation, circumstances and environment that the children react to, ‘act out’, and children are then labelled by parents, schools and others as ‘naughty’, ‘misbehaving’ a ‘trouble maker’ or ‘always up to no good’. Children and young people who self harm are also reacting to their conditions and environments.

Parents’ and others projecting outwards is the problem! If we, as parents and adults stopped and stepped back to focus more on ourselves and look inwards, we wouldn’t need to do a lot of mopping up and attempting to fix the children!

Disheartening

I get disheartened when some parents opt out of the process when they realise that the focus needs to be more on them than on the children. It is far easier and more comfortable to treat the whole situation as a problem with the kids. Ok, I accept that some parents may not be ready to deal with their emotional ‘stuff’/baggage or Emotional Roadblocks™, and that we are all at our own stage of development, however, what happens to the children in the meantime when the parent does nothing at all to deal with their ‘stuff’? It’s all about taking a small step! And I actively encourage parents to take small steps especially if they are just starting out on their journey of development or discovery.

When my eldest son started having constant stomach pains/crams at the age of about 5, resulting form tension at home between me and his dad, this was my trigger to do something about the relationship, myself and make some life changing, yet very difficult decisions.

We teach others how to treat us. Likewise, when we project our problems and ‘stuff’ outwards, we are really teaching our children to blame other people for their problems, aren’t we? If this is the case, how can we therefore tell our children to ‘take responsibility for your behaviour’?

After my divorce and alongside horrible experiences at work, I used to mediate for roughly 10 – 15 minutes as soon as I got home from work. I know that my children experienced a much better, calmer and balanced mum than if I had not taken those few minutes out.

Learning “positive selfishness” is what took me out of my unhealthy and abusive situations in the past, so that I could offer my children a lot more than I had and a better perspective on life.

Spiritual hour

‘Positive selfishness’ is not self conceitedness and focuses on creating and finding a balance in mind, body and soul. I strongly recommend that parents create and take ‘me time’ or ‘spiritual hour’ for themselves to recharge their batteries, relax, unwind and rejuvenate so that they come back to the children in a much calmer & healthier state of mind. This helps to prevent children being shouted at or being blamed for ‘stuff’ that really belongs to their parents.

Now over to you!

Q: What would need to happen in order for you to change one small thing, that if you did, it would make a huge difference to your children and family life?

This article © Jennifer McLeod 2009. All Rights Reserved

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What’s On?


The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course – Young People

Thank You to all practitioners working with young people who attended May 2009 Self Harm & Behaviour Course. The Course was hugely oversubscribed and proved to be very popular. We even had people contacting us up to 1 day before start of the course. Thank you also for those that forwarded the course information and recommended it to others. Much appreciated!

Here’s what some of the delegates had to say about the Course:

“The Course has given me confidence to perhaps speak out and state concerns about a child who may be self harming”
Anita Rankin, Yarlswood Immigration Centre

“I am aware of different perspectives of people that self harm and understanding the background behaviour that could prevent this.”
Michelle Tennant, Hatchford Primary School

“Inspirational and down to earth!” Janice Costley, Lode Heath School

“Made me feel more confident that my approach is appropriate when working with children and young people.”
Godfrey Tomlinson, Family Support Team, Birmingham City Council

“Fantastic! Great to know lots of techniques to start using to help children to be more aware.”
Alice Hanlon, Colmers School

“I am aware of what self harm is. It is not attention seeking. Very relevant in my current role with young people.”
Bernie Flynn, West Midlands Police

Our next Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course for practitioners working with young people will be taking place Tuesday 18 May 2010. Please put this date in your diary and watch out for further information & joining instructions later on in the year.

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The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course – for Women/Men

We have also had requests from some of you about a Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course for women/men.

This could be adults who are self harming or practitioners working with adults who are self harming.

As such, a new Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course will be taking place Tuesday 24 November 2009 in Birmingham, UK.

We are taking bookings for this course now and further information will be sent out shortly.

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Easy Tiger Parents System™

For further information and to book Easy Tiger Parents Programmes for your organisation/company, contact me at parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk

‘Jennifer taught me that for me to create a happier environment, I need to be happy within myself. I can use exercises, that are fantastic, and I’m automatically going to walk out of here with my head held high!
This Course has helped me to look at my life so much more positively and different and if I ever get down, there are so many exercises that I can do. The Course is like a breath of fresh air! It has shown me how to change negative thinking into positive thinking and by doing that I’m calmer and feel a much stronger person completely.’
Sonya, Burnt Tree Children’s Centre Parent

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Born To Win! Programme For Young People

For further information and to book Born To Win! Programme For Young People contact me at youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

'The Born To Win! Workshop was a very good Workshop. It offered helpful advice and is refreshing to learn. The Speaker was Brill! ‘Born To Win!’ is like a stepping stone to your future.’
Jemma, Student at Stourbridge College

_______________________________

Born To Win! Ebook

I will finally be launching my Born To Win! Ebook that you can buy online at the click of a button.

Watch this space for more information shortly.


FEEDBACK and Comments about this Blog?
I always welcome any feedback you may have. Add your comments about this article here.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course

The Psychology of Self Harm and Behaviour Course
Wednesday 13 May 2009

“The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course raised awareness of issues and offered strategies for dealing with these.”
Carol Kenny, Queen Mary’s High School

Do you often wonder why….?

ð More young people are getting confused and ‘acting out’?
ð Some children and young people self harm?
ð Some children and young people behave in a particular way and don’t seem to be able to break the habit?
ð Suicide is on the increase amongst young people?
ð Some young people appear to be apathetic?
ð Seemingly very intelligent young people throw their opportunities away and end up mixing with the wrong crowd, getting pregnant or get into debilitating habits like drug taking, alcohol or joining gangs?

This 1 Day Course will cover:
Ö An awareness of the underlying emotional and psychological challenges, patterns and beliefs that might be running young people’s lives.
Ö How our inner world has a major impact on our outer world and the people around us
Ö Letting go of negative emotions
Ö Interpreting Positive intentions relating to self harm behaviour
Ö Possible signs to look out for
Ö How YOU can have a great positive impact on children and the young people that you work with and manage self harm differently
Ö How your communication can make the difference to young people
Ö Tools, strategies for support and change of self harm behaviour

“The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course helped me to feel inspired again! It reinforced what my role is and how I can make a positive difference. It was great that you shared your experience with us, which added credence and authenticity to what you were saying. I feel more able to delve deeper and confident in dealing with self harm.”
Julia Clarke, St Paul’s RC School

The emphasis of this Course is on the emotional and psychological issues that precedes the actual self harm activity.

It takes YOU on a journey of discovering and uncovering the awareness of issues and circumstances that may trigger self harm activities in young people.

Additionally, the Course provides delegates with effective tools and strategies to support young people in dealing with self harm

“It has given me some practical strategies in order to work with pupils who self harm, and I now have a greater understanding of why pupils ‘self harm’”
Maureen Davis, St John Wall School

Finally, included in The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course are modules for you as a professional to identify how you can support yourself and parents better and differently within self harm and other aspects of your work with young people.

DATE: Wednesday 13 May 2009
Investment: £177 (Recession buster - £31 discount off 2008 price!!!)
Venue: Central Birmingham, B5
Time: 09.30 – 4.00pm
Complimentary Breakfast & Lunch and refreshments will be provided.

WHO SHOULD ATTEND?

Anyone working with children and young people, including:
Ö Teachers
Ö Social Workers
Ö Youth Workers
Ö LEA (Local Education Authority) staff
Ö Foster Carers
Ö Extended School Staff
Ö Child Protection Teams
Ö Probation Officers; Prison Officers
Ö Family Support Workers
Ö Connexions Staff
Ö Primary Care Trust
Ö Residential Staff
Ö Learning Mentors/Mentor
Ö Teaching Assistants/Support Staff
Ö C.A.M.S Staff

For further information contact Jennifer McLeod on
+44 (0) 121 551 1668 or email youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk.

What do you do now?

Contact us now youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk to book your place Today!

This is on a first come first served basis only and delegates who have paid will have their places secured.

** Places are limited. Please book your place now to avoid disappointment**


“The Psychology of Self Harm & Behaviour Course has given me fresh insight and strategies to use and to know what to look out for. Thank you so much. I was very inspired by what you do and useful to hear about your own personal experiences.”
Jan Loxley, Primrose Hill Community School

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Featured Article: #1
Giving Your Children Focused Attention
By Jennifer McLeod

As parents living in a fast paced society, it is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, concern ourselves with all the chores that need to be done and give what little time we have left to our children.

“Quality time” means different things to different people. Giving just five minutes ‘quality time’ to children isn’t the answer and doesn’t go very far in meeting children’s needs. All children need real time from their parents, not just to make them feel special, however, also a natural part of the nurturing, development, secure relationship building, guidance and supportive processes that parents need to provide.

Recently, I took some downtime, which also allowed me to immerse myself in to some chores around the house. Taking this downtime made me wonder how on earth I manage my busy schedule, a home and make time for the children. It’s a case of prioritising. And no I don’t always get it right! However, it’s about having the focus to make your children a priority in your life because no one else will do this for you, unless of course you have a nanny that takes care of their practical needs, but this in no way replaces the love and attention that children need and deserve from their own parents. Time flies by so quickly these days that before you know it, your children have reached the age of 16 and able to make some of their own decisions which includes leaving the family home.

Children and young people need to know that you love them and they need to see and experience this behaviourally rather than just auditory, i.e. what you say. That is, you need to show your children that you love them, and not just tell them!

So how do you give your children focused attention?

¨ Hug your children!
Big and small, old and young, they all still need to be hugged. And they are still your children irrespective of how old they are. Hugging your children is so much easier when they are young children. Hugging your teenagers, on the other hand, is an art in itself. This is one of those occasions where you need to tread carefully as your teens go through an interesting, challenging, frustrating and confusing phase in their lives. Make it easier for both of you by following your teens lead. For instance, not hugging them in front of their friends unless they instigate it, nor outside of school.

Don’t make the mistake, however, of thinking that your children do not need a hug. We all do! Don’t you just feel so much better, connected and loved when someone gives you a hug? Just because your teenager is not approaching you for a hug, does not mean that they do not need one. They will be following your lead and it takes courage to take the first step, especially if there is an element of hostility between you.

Also, be willing to say sorry and apologise to your teen if you need to. It’s amazing how many barriers that the word ‘sorry’ can break down, don’t you think?

An alternative to hugging your teen, depending on how receptive they are to your hugs, is a simple touch or pat on the head, shoulders, knees, or back will suffice to show your teen that you love them. This can even be done as you walk past them, which might get a few grunts a long the way from you teen, but don’t let up on physical contact.

One parent that I have recently worked with as part of my Easy Tiger Parent System™, said that she had no problems hugging and being playful with her 3 year old. However, she only hugs her 10 year old at bedtime.

Whilst her 10 year old might not be moaning or saying anything about not being hugged at other times, she will be very aware that her sibling is getting a lot more hugs and her parents attention that she is and, at a psychological level and to make sense of it, may blame herself for her parents not hugging her as much.

I appreciate some parents may find hugging difficult especially if they were not shown affection by their parents as a child. I fell into that category too, however, I made the decision that it would be different for my children.


¨ Give them loving eye contact
Give your children eye contact when you are communicating with them. It sounds such a simple thing to do, yet it is so easy to be so busy whilst talking to your children that you focus on what you are busy doing that you don’t realise that you are not making eye contact. I’ve done it too. What do we say to our children when we are talking to them and they are looking every where else but at us? That’s right! ‘Look at me when I am talking to you1’. And where do they get that behaviour from? That’s right, probably you.

Additionally, give your children loving eye contact generally and not just give them eye contact when you are telling them off.

¨ Loving discipline
All children need boundaries and discipline which, as responsible parents, we provide them with for a healthy, balanced and positive childhood.

Boundaries are necessary guidelines to help your children to manage and self regulate themselves and their environment. Children and young people who are not given boundaries lose self control and look to their peers to plug the gap and fill that need. Even young people who argue vehemently about boundaries and restrictions, need boundaries and in the long run, will be grateful for them being in place and enforced.

I recently heard of a young person who was in tears because her parents didn’t give her any boundaries to guide her growth and development. She is wishing they had. And yes, it is a fine line between giving children and young people too much latitude and being too restrictive.

Having sound values that you are clear about as a parent and shared with the family, in line with your goals for your family, will help you to identify where you stand regarding boundaries. I appreciate that for some people whose own childhood experiences may prove to be challenging and perhaps cast doubts on their ability to identify clear values and therefore healthy boundaries. To them I would say simply make them up! Having some boundaries is better than having none at all. As time goes on, monitor, review and adjust them to what feels or looks just right for you.

Sometimes our parents’ values don’t always serve our purpose as adults and parents in our own right. So take control of your life and do your own thing. Do what feels right for your family.

Loving discipline helps children and young people to learn about what is right or wrong and to develop responsibility and accountability for their actions. This is in the form of natural consequences of their behaviour and not necessarily punishment for their behaviour. I have to say that it took me a while to get clear about the difference between consequences and punishment, I guess because I only ever had punishment as a child. So an example of a natural consequence is when one of my sons left his blazer at school because it had a rip in it and expecting that it would just be replaced. He had a shock when I told him that he had to replace the blazer using his own money. As apposed to punishing him by maybe grounding him say for a week. There is no direct correlation here with what he has done, and potentially the punishment could cause confusion.

Other healthy options of consequences can take many forms e.g. applying restrictions to teenager’s movements, whether this means being sent to their room or prevented from going out for days or a week. Clearly the discipline needs to be age related.

Whilst being a parent can be a thankless ‘job’ at the best of times, we owe it to our children to do everything possible to create secure relationships with them. That could well involve doing what we need to do to develop ourselves to make it happen.


Go and enjoy hugging your children, giving them loving eye contact and loving discipline.

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Thank you
© Jennifer McLeod 2009

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Knife victim Damilola Taylor speaks to the Prime Minister

Knife victim Damilola Taylor speaks to the Prime Minister

"I will travel far and wide to choose my destiny to remould the world. I know it is my destiny to defend the world which I hope to achieve in my lifetime".
Damilola Taylor, a small boy with a huge vision! He wrote this at the age of 10.

Well, he doesn’t exactly speak to the Prime Minister! Damilola Taylor’s father, Richard Taylor does as the government’s special envoy on youth violence and knife crime.

As you all may remember, Damilola was a victim of knife crime at the age of 11 in 2000.

Richard Taylor’s role includes working with other victim’s families to identify ways of changing young people’s behaviour and attitudes.

As such, Richard wants to hear from YOU. Let him know your views on what underpins youth violence and what we can do to eradicate it. Share your views directly with Richard Taylor and Gordon Brown at The Damilola Taylor Trust website http://www.damilolataylortrust.com/ or email info@damilolataylortrust.com

This is your opportunity to have direct access to Gordon Brown and tell him what you think about supporting our young people, our future.

For me personally, one of the main challenges that I see young people facing is the constant negative press, negative messages and labelling that they are receiving from adults and society as a whole. Just look at any news headlines regarding young people and see what you think. A most recent example was when we had the snow and young people were doing exactly the same as we did back in our days – snow ball ‘fights’. However, today, young people are labelled as exhibiting ‘anti-social behaviour’ for snow ball ‘fights!’ Is it any wonder that they react negatively?

I would like to see us get to a stage as a nation where we can allow young people ‘free play’ and have more facilities for them to do so. By that I mean that they have facilities for free outdoor activities similar to children’s play areas where they are allowed to ‘free play’ without being supervised by police or youth workers. For instance, skateboarding facilities.

Let me know your thoughts, and most importantly tell Gordon Brown what you think via Richard Taylor.

Although Damilola did not achieve his vision in his lifetime, he can achieve it through you in his memory.

“The bumblebee’s wings are so thin and its body so big, it should not be able to fly. The only problem is, the bee doesn’t know that!”
David Lindsey

Take a leaf out of Damilola’s book and decide on your vision today and act like a bumble bee to achieve it!

Follow me on Twitter at www.twitter.com/JenniferMcLeod see what is going on and let me know your thoughts. It is free for you to join and set up your own account

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk

+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Who is more confused....?

Who is more confused…?

Legal Age for Young People to survive in the UK


Who is more confused? Young people or adults (i.e. adults being government, society, parents, police, teachers)?

Young people are indeed more confused in today’s society more than ever before, but where does all this confusion come from?

One example of the origin of this confusion is regarding legal ages for young people to survive in the UK.

There are many things that I believe contradict the ages stipulated by legislation in order for young people to live and survive in today’s society in the UK.

Young people already receive a range of mixed messages every day from society which adds further to their confusion.

Have a look at the information below relating to legal ages for young people living in the UK and let me know what you think.

For instance,

At the age of 10, young people can:

- Be convicted of an offence, but not imprisoned

At the age of 12, young people can:

- From 12 years old young people can be incarcerated (not imprisoned) in special units, e.g. Local Authority Secure Units (LASUs)

At the age of 13, young people can:

- Be employed for a certain number of hours a week

At the age of 14, young people can:

- Go to the pub, but cannot drink or buy alcohol - Are responsible for wearing a seat belt

At the age of 15, young people can:

- Be a ‘juvenile offender’ in custody in juvenile units in Young Offender Institutions (YOI)

At the age of 16, young people can:

- Get a job
- Get married, with consent from one parent or legal guardian
- Have a baby
- Go to college? (UK legislations have changed recently where young people must stay on at school until they are 18).
- Have a licence to drive/ride a moped
- Buy a national lottery ticket
- Visit a young offender only with their own parents or with written permission from a responsible adult
- Age of consent for sexual relationships
- Claim social security benefit
- Be interviewed by the police with any responsible adult
- Choose their own doctor
- Work full-time
- Leave home with parents’ consent
- Drink wine or beer in a restaurant

At the age of 17, young people can:

- Go to college?
- Visit a young offender with a responsible adult
- Have a provisional driving licence for any vehicle except certain heavy ones
- Be interviewed by the police without parents or any other ‘responsible adult’ and therefore be treated as an adult

- Purchase an air rifle
- Have legal proceedings without involvement of parents or any other responsible adult
- Engage in street trading
- Leave home without parents’ consent

At the age of 18, young people can:

- Change their name
- Buy alcohol (only in some places. The permitted age to buy and consume alcohol varies across the UK from 18 – 25 years of age. Some retail outlets require young people as old as 25 to provide proof of their age)
- Go abroad to sing, play or perform professionally
- Appear before adult courts
- Go to a night club
- Sit on a jury
- Be a ‘young offender’ in custody Young Offender Institutions (YOI)
- Visit a young offender on their own
- Apply for a passport
- Act as an executor of a person’s will

- Be Deported from the UK even if they had, previous to becoming 18 years of age, been looked after by local authorities as a separated and vulnerable young person (separated children is the term used to describe children who are ‘outside their country and separated from their parents or legal or customary carers’)
- Be detained in a detention centre on attaining the age of 18, as an alternative to or prior to deportation as above.
- Buy cigarettes
- Leave school
- Get married without parents’ consent
- Vote
- Bet
- Own houses and land
- Be a blood donor
- Apply for a mortgage
- Buy fireworks
- Hold a licence to sell alcohol
- Drink alcohol in a pub

NB: Some ages may vary in Scotland.

Any surprises here for you? Let me know what you think.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Born To Win! Success Strategies for Young Businesses and New Entrepreneurs. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6x6u9t

Born To Win! Success Strategies - EBOOK. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/66hovs

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

Manipulative Parents

Hi Melissa

Manipulative Parents

Thank you for your comments and query.

It is always sad and unfortunate for the child caught up in between parents’ fights and manipulative situations.

Each circumstance is different, however. I also appreciate how frustrating this situation can be for you both.

With my situation years ago, I wrote my ex-husband a strong letter about his mistreatment of the children and then backed off, with the letter clearly stating that the boys will see him for what he is and what he is doing to them. Once I had stopped fighting him, my ex-husband didn’t have much to fight about and it was only then that the extent of the harassment (to me) and mistreatment of our sons stopped.

The most essential requirement in your situation is for you and your husband to be totally open and honest with your stepson about exactly what is going on. My advice would be to stay strong, supportive, and available for your stepson, encouraging him to talk about the situation.

Perhaps another way forward is sending his mum a written proposal of how the holidays could be shared and keep a copy of the letter, which at a much later date could be shown to your stepson if the situation continues.

My own parenting plan includes my children alternating between spending Christmas and New Year with us respectively. That is, this year, it’s their dad’s turn to have the boys for the whole of the Christmas week and my turn to have them for the whole of the New Year week. Next Year it will be my turn to have them for the whole of the Christmas break. The children know this and therefore they know what to expect and have adjusted to the arrangements accordingly.

As your stepson gets older, he will also be in a position to choose who he wants to spend Christmas with and will start to see things for himself. He will also start asking questions as to why he is not able to see his dad at Christmas.

As far as taking the situation back to court to find a solution, only you and your husband will know if that is the best solution for you all.

With Inspirational Blessings for future success to you all and happy Christmases together.

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
www.stepup-international.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668

How Do You Stop or Deal With A Manipulative Parent?

How Do You Stop Or Deal With A Manipulative Parent?

Some parents get blinded by their own emotions and stuff going on in their lives that they fail to see the affects, hurt and damage caused by their actions. One of such examples is a parent who use and manipulate their children to get their own way against the other parent.

In my opinion, anyone who uses innocent children in that way is a coward.

So what do you do if you find yourself in the position of having your partner or your ex use and manipulate your children to get back at you or get their own way?

Well, first and foremost be clear and acknowledge that this has nothing to do with your child (children) and that it is you that your partner or ex is really attempting to get back at or hurt in some way. Also, be clear that your son/daughter is NOT responsible for being used in this way.

Here are some pointers that might help:

• Do everything possible to keep your daughter or son out of the loop that your partner or ex has drawn them into. For instance, if our daughter/son is being used to communicate to you, do not engage in further discussion with him/her about the message that they have been asked to deliver to you. Instead, thank them for the message and highlight that dad or mum really ought to be telling you that themselves.

• Don’t make your daughter/son feel any worse than they already do by being used by the other parent in this way.

• Give positive reassurance to him/her and affirm that they did nothing wrong and that it is an adult discussion that the other parent needs to be having with them instead.

• Develop your own self discipline, inner strength and self confidence which will also help you immensely in supporting your daughter/son caught up in the manipulation.

• Ask your partner or ex firmly, confidently and with a smile: ‘You’re not trying to manipulate me are you?’ or another question could be ‘You’re not trying to use and manipulate daughter/son are you?’
  
  You will undoubtedly get a resounding ‘No! of course not!’ to both of these questions.
  
  If they are habitually manipulative, they will continue to attempt to manipulate you, however, simply persist with that line of questioning and they will soon see that not only are you aware of what they are doing, it’s also something that you are not prepared to tolerate.
  
• If you don’t already do so, start to read a range of self development books or listen to inspirational, uplifting audio programmes to raise your own spirit and confidence levels if necessary.

Although you are the parent being manipulated, you are the one that needs to get yourself in a position of power, inner strength and resilience which means you are less likely to be manipulated. Other people can do whatever they like, however, how you respond is what matters.

If you are the parent doing the manipulation, here are some pointers for you:

• Manipulating other people and especially children is about your own self worth, insecurities and weaknesses.

• Be responsible enough and adult enough to sort out your own problems with the other parent without using your daughter/son to do your work for you.

• Be aware that you are actually hurting and damaging your daughter/son by your actions

• There are lots of other ways that you could communicate to the other parent as a responsible adult:
  - write a letter
  - send an email
  - phone call
  - mediation
  - send a post card
• - or arrange to go for a meal at a restaurant, for instance, to have quiet time to have an open and honest discussion.

but NOT USE your daughter/son as a means of doing so!

Take action today to develop your own sense of self worth and self confidence which will help you to feel more secure within yourself and not have the need to manipulate others.
Jennifer McLeod © 2008

Have you been LiBERATED yet?

NEW LIFE! NEW FREEDOM! NEW YOU!

With Inspirational Blessings
Jennifer McLeod

Born To Win! book Series:

Born To Win! Live Your Ultimate Life Vision Today. NEW RELEASE!!! Get your copy here: http://tinyurl.com/6lf3gj

Creator of Easy Tiger Parents System™
Creator of Born To Win! Programme for Young People™

E: parent@jennifermcleod.co.uk
E: youngpeople@jennifermcleod.co.uk
+44 (0) 121 551 1668